Dear God

I feel it's time to hit my knees;
not a thought that fades with ease;
a feeling that I cannot shake;
a blessing, for granted, I will not take.

My Lord, you work in mysterious ways,
and I am not so easily swayed.
I've always felt your magical presence,
and always believed in the power of your essence.

While others may devote their life and ways;
let prescribed rules lead their days;
I have felt you within me,
and have known you'd help me
find the way someday,

and just when I was about to give up;
as I began to laugh at love;
as my tired soul grew bitter;
one star in your sky did glimmer.

Your awesome force
has filled my heart,
and I can feel all through me,
something start.

I kneel before you now,
and am in awe at how
you could give me a gift so great,
and a whole new view of fate.

I pray, in your eyes, I'll earn this blessing,
and that I've learned my last hard lesson.
While it doesn't seem enough to say 'thanks,'
I pray, Dear God, you'll grant me strength.

July 23, 1998

A Dim Light Shines

Like the prey of a spider,
I am struggling to escape the fibers;
weakened, by captivation within the web.
Meanwhile, so suddenly, aware of what lies ahead.

I was swimming in transition--
a lone branch in unfamiliar waters,
pushed along by the current;
destination unknown.

Praying for the tepid lake;
fearing relentless rapids;
anticipating roaring falls;

and then came you...

Unlike stones at my feet and sticks floating by;
more than mere driftwood;

In my darkness, a dim light shines.

Still so many ripples of emotion to work through;
still treading; striving to keep my head above the water;

Your face rests in a glow.
Your eyes--windows to a land of smiles--
their amazing blue; a reflection of that tepid lake;
their incredible sparkle; a notion of enlightment.
Both the hurt and the happiness deep within;
a tingling in my heart;

Your smile--a promise of tomorrow;
nothing like the warmth in your arms;
I look up at you, filled with intensity.
I want you. I need you to care for me.
Hold me; touch me; shelter me from harm.

Never go the other way,
but come closer and hold me tight.
Not sometimes,
but always...

And, I will, in return,
give every ounce of my being;
dry your tears; help face your fears;
listen to your thoughts; help you grieve loss;
hold you tight; warm your nights;
help you acquire possessions; help you through life's lessons;
share ups and downs; share smiles and frowns;
gain from experience with you; stand behind each thing you do;
appreciate that which you give; make worthwhile each day you live.

No map has led me to such treasure,
though buried you might have been,
and we both benefit from this find--
an invaluable gift to win!

My love, you may not see it,
as fear consumes your soul,
and my longing for touch; for affection
is time collecting toll.

I think of your kindness
and I am flooded with love for you.
I look downstream and I know,
together we can sail.

And, in my darkness, a dim light shines.

July 1998

Let Me Be Wrong

I know better
than to get my hopes up.
I know how
things will end up.

I know, I'm not what he wants;
at least not on the outside,
but, oh, how he intrigues me,
and, oh, how I feel inside;

Just his hand on my leg,
and my head on his shoulder,
and I have felt so safe,
like never before!

So sincere and sensitive
for a masculine lad;
head on shoulders; zest for life;
and, yet, a family man;

How I've searched
with my brittle heart!
My faith that such a man exists
was blown apart,

and here he was;
so real; so close to me;
so much fun we had together;
I want it eternally!

Praying the phone will ring
and plans will be made
to see him again soon.
Oh, I'd count the days,

but,
I know better
than to get my hopes up.
I know how
this will end up.

July 5, 1998