Family Values

I am so very tired,
from top to bottom;
from inside out.
Physically; mentally; emotionally;
I'm too weak to even shout.

There's nothing I can do;
struggling to hold him as he suffers.
He is almost stronger than me;
no doubt, he is much tougher.

No matter what I try,
'tis of no use,
yet I continue trying!
That is all I do!

My body, rigid and stiff,
trying to accomodate;
walking the halls; trying positions;
oh, how I too ache!

I feel so very alone.
There is no help or friend.
I guess you learn real quickly
who you can count on in the end.

This is about a family bond.
For my son, I would do anything.
I wish that my family wanted to help me,
the way I want to help him.

So alone and so tired;
this is so hard to take.
I've tried so hard to stay strong.
Please don't let me break.

Please grant me the strength.

February 1, 2000

My Precious One

I love you more than anything.
You're the mot beautiful thing I've ever seen.
I'm so grateful for your life force,
and the fight you fought to be.

I hate the pain you feel;
the discomfort you constantly endure;
I can't imagine the agony
when you're as helpless as you are.

Every time you stiffen or arch;
every time your lip quivers;
every time I hear you gag;
I wish I could deliver.

My heart breaks
as you struggle.
My body aches,
trying to comfort you.

My poor baby,
my heart aches
through and through.

To watch you go from the brightest smile,
in an instant, to a wince and a shriek;
to see you twist and writhe in pain;
I feel so worthless and weak.

I hope for you, my precious one,
this misery will end soon.
I hope more than anything,
I can make it up to you.

February 1, 2000