"Accolades For Valor" by Matthew Johnson (1993): "She goes through life, gliding, a benevolent seer/ Stopping constantly to aid those in need, those not even dear/ I, an individual, swept up in the storm/ Of a woman, who, in search of herself, defies the norm/ As I, an outcast, fighting myself, yet daring to believe/ That if I ask her aid and succor (and possibly love) she won’t leave/ Giving her heart, mind and soul to every known cause/ Causing me to look about my selfish malestrom, and in introspection give pause/ For all her words, she won’t write about me, does she fail to perceive/ What the object knows to be true and what make believe—/ Words rarely present, presence much more of one/ Is to wish for more as good as wishing for the sun?/ Energy is precious, as I know well to be true/ And I am curious to know, Lorraine, what I can ask of you/ Names are important, they make us who we are/ Much more important than people give credit, by far/ The masses may cry “Lori!” and let them do so!/ For the numbers who call that cannot understand/ They will never know the Lorraine inside, the one crying to live/ Will be forever frustrated by those whose minds are like a sieve/ There may be those who rob her of her world, let them scratch the skin/ They are as pinpricks to the steel within/ These accolades are not exaggeration, not pretentious/ I Just want you to know that there is at least one who is conscious/ That the world is a better place for the life of a woman named Lorraine."

Friday, October 23, 1998

Just Here

I reached out to you,
and you pushed me away
AGAIN!

Too many times!

And, again,
you sleep,
while I sit up,
miserable.

I expected this of him,
but not of you.

You will never understand how I feel
because you will never allow yourself to try.

You have no idea what you're closing yourself off to.
You probably never will,
unless I'm gone.
maybe you'd prefer it that way?

You break my heart.

So, I hereby give up.
I hope you're happy.
I want you to be.

The ball is in your court now.
When you're ready to swallow pride (as I have);
when you're ready to focus on what's important,
I'll be here.

Until then,
as you wish,
that's all I'll be...
just here.

October 23, 1998

Wednesday, October 07, 1998

To Sleep

This is a life I recognize--
lying alone while he sleeps;
writing by mere candlelight;
struggling to get through the night;

praying to the moon above
to somehow in its glow,
grant me enough inspired peace
to finally write myelf to sleep.

It doesn't matter how I strive
to not take things for granted,
for they will never see
how they truly have it!

Though I'll treasure each good thing,
I'll never be seen in the same light
I've wrapped their images in.

Instead, they'll see dark spots
and remind me of their cost,
and what shrouds they might bring.

Thus, as years ago, and for years to come,
I will be the only one
to see deep into his heart
and know the passion
waiting to erupt.

I lie alone,
though we're together,
feeling so lonely;
so lonely,

and while he clings to moonlight dreams,
I will write myself to sleep.

October 7, 1998