Trapped In This Fantasy

How can I help but feel
that we were strung on nature's reel;
that we were supposed to meet;
two lives not yet complete?

So wrong and so cruel
against each and every rule;
singing every moralistic fiber that runs through my soul;
utterly seizing my self-control;

paining me with fear and guilt;
defying a life I've worked to build;
yet, every cell within screams for touch;
never have I felt so much!

The intensity when you were near
left my soul brittle and sheer.
This--a feeling that simply cannot be matched,
but also a check that can never be cashed.

I can put this memory in its proper place,
but I close my eyes and still see your face.
I choose not to let those feelings go
because they make me feel so whole.

I can't help but wonder 'what if,'
and to this idea, my mind does drift.
Proud that boundaries weren't crossed,
but left questioning what we might've lost;

I've accepted the answer is one I wil never see,
and so I remain trapped in this fantasy.

July 18, 1996