"Accolades For Valor" by Matthew Johnson (1993): "She goes through life, gliding, a benevolent seer/ Stopping constantly to aid those in need, those not even dear/ I, an individual, swept up in the storm/ Of a woman, who, in search of herself, defies the norm/ As I, an outcast, fighting myself, yet daring to believe/ That if I ask her aid and succor (and possibly love) she won’t leave/ Giving her heart, mind and soul to every known cause/ Causing me to look about my selfish malestrom, and in introspection give pause/ For all her words, she won’t write about me, does she fail to perceive/ What the object knows to be true and what make believe—/ Words rarely present, presence much more of one/ Is to wish for more as good as wishing for the sun?/ Energy is precious, as I know well to be true/ And I am curious to know, Lorraine, what I can ask of you/ Names are important, they make us who we are/ Much more important than people give credit, by far/ The masses may cry “Lori!” and let them do so!/ For the numbers who call that cannot understand/ They will never know the Lorraine inside, the one crying to live/ Will be forever frustrated by those whose minds are like a sieve/ There may be those who rob her of her world, let them scratch the skin/ They are as pinpricks to the steel within/ These accolades are not exaggeration, not pretentious/ I Just want you to know that there is at least one who is conscious/ That the world is a better place for the life of a woman named Lorraine."

Friday, April 08, 1994

Within










"Your uterus is enlarged,"
the doctor said.
Guess it wasn't
all in my head!

or was it?

"My guess is you're pregnant,
but I can't tell for sure.
I'll need a sonogram
to tell me more."

The first test said 'yes.'
My heart skipped a beat
Could I be ready for
little feet?

I wasn't sure
until just then.
It felt real.
I started to yen,

but then I wondered,
was it too late?
Blood was dripping from inside.
Did I defeat fate?

What would've been?
What could've been?
What might've been?
What should've been?

or, was it all in my head?

Lab work says 'no.'
My heart says 'yes.'
Well, maybe not now,
but before I guess.

After all, it's for the best,
right?
God, give me the strength
to get through the night.

A part of me has died,
and left my skin.
I have lost
something within.

or is it all in my head?

April 8, 1994

posted by Lorraine Courigan at 10:29 AM

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