Vendor Of Silence

All I want to do is please you;
see you smiling; grabbing my hand,
but no matter what I do,
it's still alone I stand.

The smile comes,
but not at the times I want it most.
When it does,
I wish I could freeze its life.

My actions are intended
to put you on top of the world,
believe it or not.

My energy is wasted.
You distance yourself.
On purpose or not;
It matters not.

I feel sad and alone.
I tell myself I won't try anymore,
but that's a self-endowed trap.
The minute I stop trying
is the minute my soul dies.

The only thing I desire
is you here with me;
not just parts,
but all.

This time, as others,
I was doing for you,
yet I feel like the selfish one.

The core of this depression
is reaction.
You sell the air so quickly
to silence.

That's the reason my sadness lingers.
Not because of the initial regret,
but the way you carry it through.

February 16, 1994