Untimely Enigma

Today is supposed to be a new beginning.
Could such meaning
be harmful?

My God,
the anxiety rushes through me!
Why does it havce to be so powerful?

Fear surges through my veins,
yet queasiness reigns my body.
What is wrong?
What is stirring?
What would it want with my body?

I can pretend the thought is hideous.
There are a lot of reasons it is.
But, my God, if it was reality,
how would I handle it?

Another life; another soul;
nothing could be more sacred.
I couldn't lead it to happiness.
Would it be filled with hatred
if I placed it in hands of care?
Could it understand?

Could I live with myself
without it?

If I never gave it life,
that would be the worst.
That would have to be the worst.
That would be putting me; myself first.

Although I will probably have no worry,
it's probably nothing at all,
I'm filled with fright to think
that it would be my call.

It's sometimes exciting.
It's at times, inviting,
but now it's too scary.
I'm much to wary!

Tell me such an enigma
would choose to pass me by.

January 1, 1994