Stuck In The Prologue

My mind has turned to a faceless page,
leaving me imprisoned in my psyche's cage.
Major determinants in my future's existence
are filling me with want but resistance.

Where shall I go from here?
My veins quickly surge with fear.
I think I know what Iwant,
but, Oh, how the demons taunt.

Impossibility blackens such color,
and sadly there is no rebuttle.
No fight do I have for fate;
the only hope I have is wait,

but that doesn't guarantee much.
It's as helpful as a broken crutch.
Why is it I always come so close?
It never quite comes before it goes.

My mind has actually offered me a peek
of what heaven is--a pleasure leak?
I even caught a glimpse of Earth,
and my heart immediately valued its worth.

I can see nights illuminated and alive,
and I can feel more pump and drive,
but obstacles hinder.
The flame kindles.

Oh! What shall surface the pages to come?
I don't know whether to embrace or run.
I'll just try to hold back tears,
wondering how to get through these years.

October 1, 1994