If I Care

How could you understand?
After all, you're one of them.
Although you've your differences for sure,
you are still a man,

and I don't want this--
to grow close to someone,
so I can get pushed away,
yet again,

but parts of me want to reach out,
and want to share;
experience what it's all about;
allow myself to care,

and that's where touch comes in;
so very vital to me;
There is sex and there is romance,
and what they combine to be.

I can fuck someone;
let them fuck me back;
remain unattached;
a night in the sac,

but if I care;
if there's potential,
it's too much
to allow such connection.

Time should pass.
It should be right;
holding; comfort; passion;
that's what makes the night.

With me the key is time,
and following my pace;
recognition of my feelings;
the expressions on my face;

You took me aback.
I thought you would wait.
I thought you wanted to know
my mindframe; my state,

and if it was to happen now,
I thought out of intense passion,
but once again I feel laid;
simply allowing another satisfaction.

The thing I fear most
is the thing I want most,
and something I need,
for me to get close.

So, I dread that I'll be facing
some very lonely days,
because I can't give to someone
until they want me just that way.

December 25, 1997