"Accolades For Valor" by Matthew Johnson (1993): "She goes through life, gliding, a benevolent seer/ Stopping constantly to aid those in need, those not even dear/ I, an individual, swept up in the storm/ Of a woman, who, in search of herself, defies the norm/ As I, an outcast, fighting myself, yet daring to believe/ That if I ask her aid and succor (and possibly love) she won’t leave/ Giving her heart, mind and soul to every known cause/ Causing me to look about my selfish malestrom, and in introspection give pause/ For all her words, she won’t write about me, does she fail to perceive/ What the object knows to be true and what make believe—/ Words rarely present, presence much more of one/ Is to wish for more as good as wishing for the sun?/ Energy is precious, as I know well to be true/ And I am curious to know, Lorraine, what I can ask of you/ Names are important, they make us who we are/ Much more important than people give credit, by far/ The masses may cry “Lori!” and let them do so!/ For the numbers who call that cannot understand/ They will never know the Lorraine inside, the one crying to live/ Will be forever frustrated by those whose minds are like a sieve/ There may be those who rob her of her world, let them scratch the skin/ They are as pinpricks to the steel within/ These accolades are not exaggeration, not pretentious/ I Just want you to know that there is at least one who is conscious/ That the world is a better place for the life of a woman named Lorraine."

Thursday, December 25, 1997

If I Care

How could you understand?
After all, you're one of them.
Although you've your differences for sure,
you are still a man,

and I don't want this--
to grow close to someone,
so I can get pushed away,
yet again,

but parts of me want to reach out,
and want to share;
experience what it's all about;
allow myself to care,

and that's where touch comes in;
so very vital to me;
There is sex and there is romance,
and what they combine to be.

I can fuck someone;
let them fuck me back;
remain unattached;
a night in the sac,

but if I care;
if there's potential,
it's too much
to allow such connection.

Time should pass.
It should be right;
holding; comfort; passion;
that's what makes the night.

With me the key is time,
and following my pace;
recognition of my feelings;
the expressions on my face;

You took me aback.
I thought you would wait.
I thought you wanted to know
my mindframe; my state,

and if it was to happen now,
I thought out of intense passion,
but once again I feel laid;
simply allowing another satisfaction.

The thing I fear most
is the thing I want most,
and something I need,
for me to get close.

So, I dread that I'll be facing
some very lonely days,
because I can't give to someone
until they want me just that way.

December 25, 1997

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