Down

Why does this always happen to me?
Am I not giving all I could be?
All I wanted was his care.
Now I'm stuck in this nightmare.

Being kicked when I'm down;
Such a pattern thou hath found.
Every time I truly feel,
I hook myself to the reel.

There just isn't peace in love.
In man, there just isn't enough,
but then, in me, is there too much?
For I get burned by every touch.

I know he'd feel this way too,
but this I'd never put him through.
If I saw even a glimpse of pain,
not for a moment could I disdain.

I don't care how mad I might grow.
Only love and affection would show.
No matter how angry, I never could.
No matter how frustrated, I never would.

Reasons and whys; Nothing would matter.
Such is not the time for chatter.
I wouldn't ask him to be more patient.
In fact, I'd try to be his sedation.

I've come to learn I'm just alone.
I just really do not have a home.
For me, sincerity is not meant to be.
There is no one here for me.

One not to question or
turn my hurt into a war.
All I want is to be held;
to have some of my feelings felt.

To have someone stick up for me;
to feel someone look out for me;
Am I selfish? Fine!
I'm just so damn tired of waiting in line.

When do I get paid back?
For all I've taken; all the slack;
Unwanted pain; unwanted tears;
Only people who laugh at my fears;

Mock me or tell me to relax;
I'd like to see how they'd react.
One person can only take so much.
For a while, I was numb to the touch,

but, my patience is wearing thin.
My drive isn't making it.
I've reached the point where I could give in
'cause I can't face all alone again.

I'm ready to cut all my strings
'cause I don't hear the birdies sing
anymore.

February 27, 1994